The Libation Resultant
by bigbangenthusiast
Summary: The combination of a girls' night gone wrong and a bit too much alcohol affects Amy in a strange way.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I received a prompt from Boris Yeltsin. He had a unique request for the effect a bit too much alcohol has on Amy. I won't reveal the specific request until the end of the story to keep from spoiling it. This is chapter 1 of 2. I hope you enjoy!**

Amy's eyes skimmed down her body then scanned the crowd as she and her besties waited for entry into a hot new club in Hollywood. She was highly aware that her outfit didn't blend in with the others, but she felt better in knowing that even Penny's and Bernadette's clothes were much more modest than those of the younger women around them.

"How did I let you talk me into this?" Penny muttered to the shorter blonde.

"Because I'm not going to a club alone."

"But why this one? These other women look like they're barely out of high school. I feel so old."

"You look great. I'm the one with bags under her eyes and lactating breasts from dealing with two babies every day. All I ask is for this one night to forget about all my responsibilities." Bernadette gave Amy a withered look. "I suppose you're going to give me a hard time too?"

Amy shook her head. "It's not a place I would have chosen, but it's your birthday, and you deserve to have fun wherever you want. Besides, I think we're all in desperate need of this girls' night, if we ever get in."

They took a couple of steps forward as two women entered the building. A young brunette in the shortest dress Amy had ever seen flashed her ID at the bouncer and gave him a sultry smile. He barely glanced at the card before unlatching the velvet rope barrier.

Amy slipped off a heel and massaged her foot. "Perhaps we should give him our best 'come hither' looks too, if that's all it takes to gain entry so quickly. This wait is killing me; next time I'm wearing flats."

Bernadette peered around her. "Looks like he's letting the next ones in too. Amy, put your shoe back on. We're next."

The petite blonde stepped up to the rope and was greeted by the deep voice of a towering bouncer. "ID please."

She rummaged through her large handbag, pulling out Halley's snacks, some baby wipes, Kleenex, and makeup before finding her wallet. The bouncer looked from her license to her face and back again then handed the card back to her and unlatched the barrier. Bernadette waited for her friends before stepping through the door.

The trio squinted against the strobe lights pulsing to the music in the dimly-lit room. Writhing bodies circled the dance floor, while other club goers wandered the room, drink in hand, searching for their next sexual conquest.

"Still want to stay?" Amy shouted over the noise.

"We waited over 30 minutes, so I'm not leaving now." Bernadette surveyed the room. "There's a couch by the far wall. It might be quieter there."

Heels clicking against the polished tile floor, heads held high, they strode across the room with a purpose. Amy couldn't help pretending they were Charlie's Angels, a trio of strong, determined women. That thought quickly vanished when they reached their destination.

She ran her hand down the plush purple seat. "Ooh! This feels nice!"

"Be cool, Ames," Penny murmured, though she herself discreetly felt the fabric briefly before a young woman carrying a tray approached them.

"May I get you ladies a drink? Tonight's special is the watermelon martini."

"Do they come with those tiny umbrellas?" Amy asked excitedly.

"Not usually, but they do come with a small wedge of watermelon on the rim."

"I'll try one with an added pink umbrella, if that's okay."

"I'll request one for you." She jotted the order on her notepad. "What about you two?"

"I'll try the martini too, without the umbrella," Penny requested.

"What do you suggest for an overworked mother who finally gets to kick back and spend an evening with her friends on her birthday?"

"Happy birthday! First drink is on the house with proof of birthdate. You can choose any of our regular-sized cocktails, a glass of wine, or a bottle of beer."

"Tough decision. Can I think about that while you put in my friends' orders?"

"Certainly. There's a menu on the table if you need help deciding." The woman sashayed to the bar, flipping her long, blonde hair over her shoulder along the way, catching the attention of every male in her path.

Amy rolled her eyes then turned to the birthday girl. "Howard was okay taking care of the kids?"

"He was until they started screaming bloody murder. That's when I grabbed my bag and ran out of there."

Amy frowned. "You don't feel bad?"

"Raj is there; they'll manage. Tonight, Mama is going to enjoy herself. No screaming, no crying, no poopy diapers. I envy you two for not having to worry about any of that."

"It can't be that bad," Penny reckoned.

"It is. Cherish the alone time with your husbands before becoming parents because you'll hardly get a moment alone once you do."

The waitress reappeared with their drinks. "Have you decided yet?"

Bernadette shook her head. "Not yet. Do you have anything birthday themed?"

"We have a birthday cake martini. It has vodka, amaretto, white chocolate liqueur, and half and half cream with a rainbow sprinkle-dipped rim."

"That sounds perfect."

"Great! I'll verify your ID when I return."

As the woman headed to the bar, Amy took a tiny sip of her drink. "This is refreshing!" She tilted her head back and poured in a mouthful of the pink liquid.

"You might want to pace yourself there, Ames," Penny suggested.

"I almost forgot there was alcohol in here," the brunette admitted and returned to taking tiny sips as they chatted until the waitress returned.

"One birthday cake martini on the house for the birthday girl. I just need proof your birthday is today. Otherwise, it's $12."

Bernadette opened her wallet and furrowed her brow. "I don't see my license. It has to be in here," she fretted.

"Search your bag. Maybe it slipped out," Penny suggested.

The petite blonde withdrew every item from her purse, laying each one on the little table in front of them. "It's not here!" She panicked. "I must have dropped it after I showed it to the bouncer."

The waitress stood impatiently. "I'll need $12 for the drink."

"But it really is my birthday today. Do you have a lost and found? Maybe someone turned in my ID."

Penny rubbed her friend's arm. "Oh, Sweetie, I think if someone found it, they kept it to gain entry. I mean look at some of these women. Are they even old enough to be in here?"

Bernadette shrugged away from the touch. "It _has_ to be somewhere. I won't accept that it's gone until we have proof."

"Miss, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to pay for this drink. I have other customers to serve. When you find your ID, just flag me down, and I'll get you another one."

Amy reached into her purse. "Don't worry about it. My treat. I was going to buy you one anyway."

"No! Put your money away. I was promised a free drink."

"Bernadette..."

"Don't Bernadette me," the birthday girl hissed at Amy.

The waitress pulled a walkie talkie from her pocket and mumbled into it. Moments later, a hulking man loomed over them.

"Which one of you doesn't have ID?"

Bernadette rolled her eyes. "It's just lost."

He glared at her. "I've heard that line before."

"Honestly! I was already carded outside. How else did I get in?"

"My colleague outside does a great job screening the crowd, but occasionally someone underage sneaks through."

Bernadette stood to her full 4 feet 11 inches, hands on hips, and tilted her head back to stare up at him. "Do you honestly think I'm not old enough to be here? I'm 35 years old!" She yelled.

Some nearby club goers stopped dancing and stared at the scene.

"If you can prove it, I'll let you stay," the bouncer told her calmly.

She dug in her bag and extracted her work name badge. "My credentials are on here. I wouldn't have a PhD if I was underage."

"Usually, that would be true, but Sheldon was only 16..."

Bernadette gave Amy a death glare then returned her attention back to the man. "Don't listen to her. She has a low alcohol tolerance and doesn't know what she's talking about."

The bouncer examined the card. "This doesn't have a birthdate. If you can't provide that, you'll have to leave."

She narrowed her eyes. "I can't find my license, but I'm not leaving."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You can't stay without a valid ID."

When Bernadette stayed rooted to her spot, the bouncer reached down and picked her up.

She squirmed in his grip. "Unhand me this instant! I'm not a child! I'm married with two children."

"Everything she said is true!" Penny hollered.

The bouncer ignored her and strode to the exit. Amy guzzled down the rest of her drink, ate the watermelon wedge, and plucked the pink umbrella out before chasing after them.

"The nerve of him!" Bernadette huffed after he gently placed her on the sidewalk. "Treating me like a child, like a baby."

"I'm sorry, Sweetie. We can still have a good time. Do you want to go to a fancy restaurant?"

"No!" She stomped her foot. "I want my birthday martini!"

"Let's see if we can find your license, or maybe an honest person will hand it in," Penny reasoned.

Amy leaned against the building as she watched her besties, heads bent down as their eyes scanned the sidewalk. She twirled her tiny umbrella and stuck it in her hair like a flower then took a step forward and tripped, nearly losing her balance.

Penny frowned. "You okay, Ames?"

"When did Hollywood turn on its side?" She slurred.

"I told you to pace yourself," Penny muttered. "Guess I'm calling a cab."

While they waited, Bernadette continued to scour the area, but her license was nowhere to be found. Resigned, she climbed into the cab. Amy stumbled to the vehicle. She clumsily reached down and slipped off her heels. Penny grabbed her under the arms and helped her into the backseat.

"Where to, ladies?"

"Home to where my husband is. He's a brilliant physicist..." Amy babbled.

"Pasadena, please." Penny rattled off their addresses then sat back and sighed while Amy chattered incoherently, and Bernadette complained about the injustice of her short stature and porcelain skin.


	2. Chapter 2

Penny rapped on the door of apartment 4B with one hand while her other arm supported the weight of her bestie.

Sheldon cautiously peeked through the door then swung it open. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon."

"Hi husband." Amy hiccupped then giggled.

He surveyed her up and down, from her stocking feet to her mussed up hair with the umbrella hanging out of it. "Oh, dear Lord. Where are your shoes? How much did you drink?"

"In my purse." She patted the bag slung over her shoulder. "I remember ordering something fruity..." She frowned and looked to her bestie. "How many did I have?"

"You had one drink." Sheldon looked at his neighbor suspiciously. "She only had one. I swear. I told her to pace herself, but she tossed it back like it was water."

"It was soooo good. It didn't even taste like alcohol."

Sheldon pinched the bridge of his nose. "And now you'll be loopy all night."

The muffled sounds of high-pitched ranting permeated the thin wall of apartment 4A.

Penny frowned. "I should probably rescue Leonard."

Sheldon cocked his ear to the hall. "From what? Is that Bernadette?"

"Yep. Amy wasn't the only one whose night didn't go according to plan. Maybe I can calm her down on the drive home, otherwise Howard will have to deal with more than just the babies' screams."

"I'm not even going to ask," Sheldon muttered, as he helped her carry his wife to the couch. "Thank you, Penny, for bringing Amy home."

"Of course, Sweetie. Amy, you hang in there."

"Bye, Penny!" Amy shouted when her friend quietly shut the door behind her. Her husband looked unsure what to do next, so she patted the cushion next to her. "Sit with me."

Sheldon took a seat and was immediately smothered by sloppy kisses. He scrunched up his nose and held her at arm's length. "Amy, your breath reeks of vodka and... is that watermelon?"

"Umm hmm." Her lips reached for his again, but he turned his mouth away. She stuck out her bottom lip. "I just wanna show my affection for you."

"You can kiss me tomorrow when you're feeling like yourself again. Right now you need to brush your teeth and sleep this off."

Amy slid down and twisted her body until her head was on his lap. "Night night."

"Not here. I need to get you to bed."

She stared up at him. "But you're so comfy."

"The bed is comfier." He gently sat her against the couch back and scooped her up.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and giggled as they crossed the threshold to their bedroom. "Jus' like on our wedding night." When he set her on the floor next to the bathroom door, her legs felt like Jell-O. She instinctively grabbed onto his arm to steady herself.

"Can you hold your toothbrush, or do you need my help?"

"I think I can manage." She took a cautious step into the room and shut the door behind her.

Amy fumbled with the cap and squirted a generous about of toothpaste on her brush, getting a little on the countertop. With one hand gripping the counter, she ran the brush clumsily over her teeth. When she tried to straighten herself after bending over to spit out the foam, her head spun. She grabbed onto the counter with both hands and stared at herself in the mirror. Was it really true she only had one drink?

She thought back to the events of the night, but the details were a little hazy. There had been some ordeal with Bernadette's order. She remembered the petite blonde yelling at a man taller and much more muscular than Sheldon, then suddenly they were outside the club. She vaguely remembered Penny helping her into the cab but had no recollection of the ride home. Thinking made her head hurt, so she resigned herself to the fact that her mind just wasn't clear enough tonight. If she remembered it all tomorrow, great. If not, perhaps Penny would fill her in.

"Amy, you've been in there awhile. Are you okay?" Sheldon called from the other side of the door.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."

After splashing a little cold water on her face, she still felt a little woozy but was thankful it wasn't coupled with nausea. She turned the door handle and stumbled into the bedroom. The top corner on her side of the bed was turned down, and Sheldon was perched on the edge of the mattress with her nightgown on his lap. Wordlessly, he stood and removed the umbrella from her hair then proceeded to undress her.

"What are your intentions with me, Dr. Cooper?" She purred.

"I'm getting you into bed so you can sleep and return to the smart Amy I fell in love with." He unbuttoned her cardigan and shirt. "Now, lift your arms."

She dutifully stretched them above her, keeping her eyes on him as he lifted the clothing over her head. His arms circled around her, and his fingers nimbly unclasped her bra. When she was naked from the waist up, he motioned her to sit. With his help she slowly lowered herself onto the mattress. Working quickly, he rolled down her tights, lifted her bottom, and slid them off. When all her garments were removed, he carefully folded each item and set them on her nightstand then slipped the nightgown over her head.

After tucking her in, he peered down at her with concern. "Do you feel okay? Would you like a glass of water?"

"Maybe jus' a sip. I don't want to have to get up in the night to pee."

Sheldon left and returned moments later with a small glass. She took a tiny sip through the straw as he held it steady. After setting it on her nightstand, he stroked her hair. "Get some rest." His lips touched her forehead before he stood and circled around the bed, heading for the door.

"Wait! You're not coming to bed?"

"Soon. I need to finish the calculations I was working on while you were out."

"I'll sleep better if I know you're next to me. You can finish tomorrow. I'll even leave the apartment if you prefer. Please?"

He gazed at the door to the living room then back at her. Her puppy dog eyes stared up at him, and he sighed. "Alright."

While he got ready, Amy snuggled under the covers. She tried forcing her eyes to stay open, but the effects of the alcohol were no match for her efforts. Her eyelids fluttered closed, and she fell into a dreamful sleep.

xxx

 _Amy ran her hand down her face as her one-year-old screamed bloody murder. "Bernadette, please go to sleep."_

 _"Mamaaaaaaa!" The little girl screamed._

 _Amy sighed and plucked her from the crib. "Hush. You're okay." She rocked her gently from side to side, but the screaming continued._

 _Sheldon peered into the nursery. "What happened?"_

 _"All I did was put her down for a nap. I'm so exhausted. Would you mind trying to calm her?"_

 _Sheldon lifted his daughter carefully and paced around the room with the squirming infant in his arms. "I've got her. Try to get some rest."_

 _She kissed her husband's cheek and headed to the living room where two-year-old Penny quietly played with a plush tiger. Amy leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes._

 _"Mommy, look at my kitty."_

 _"It's very nice," she replied wearily, barely even paying attention._

 _"Look, Mommy!"_

 _"Um hmm."_

 _Penny toddled to the couch. She placed the tiger on Amy's lap. When she barely got a response, she tugged on her skirt. "Mommy, I brought kitty."_

 _Amy cracked an eye open and sighed. "I see that."_

 _Muffled sobs continued from the nursery. Before long Sheldon passed by carrying the crying baby to the kitchen._

 _Penny petted her toy. "Be a good kitty for Mommy."_

 _Amy watched her wander down the hall. She sighed again, picked up the toy, and followed her older daughter to ensure she wasn't going to make the situation worse._

 _Sheldon placed a kicking, screaming Bernadette in her high chair. He picked up a jar of puréed carrots and a baby spoon. "Open wide! Here comes the choo choo train."_

 _Bernadette flailed her arms and flung the spoon across the room. Sheldon calmly picked up the spoon, washed it, and tried again._ _She stretched her tiny arms and made a grabbing motion._

 _"I do myself! I not a baby! Give me poon!" She screeched._

 _He dipped the spoon in the jar and handed her the utensil. She licked a bit off then threw the spoon on the floor then began wailing again._

 _"You changed her, right?" Sheldon asked wearily._

 _"Yes. I've tried everything I can think of. I don't know what else to do."_

 _Penny held out her arms. "I help her."_

 _Amy looked down and frowned. "You're too little to help."_

 _"No. I help." She sat on the floor and waited._

 _"Maybe if they play together for a bit, she'll settle down," Sheldon suggested._

 _"I'm willing to try anything at this point."_

 _Sheldon set Bernadette on the floor next to her sister. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her shrieks didn't quiet. Amy set the tiger toy between the two girls then sat at the table and watched as her youngest grabbed the toy and bit its tail._

 _Penny shook her head. "Don't bite Mr. Tiger. That hurts him." She plucked the toy from her sister's hands, set it on the floor next to her, and petted it. "Play nice like this."_

 _Bernadette screamed again. "Mine!" She lunged for the toy and scooped it up. This time she copied Penny's earlier motions, stroking its soft fur from head to tail._

 _Sheldon took a seat next to his wife. She rested her head on his shoulder and smiled as the little ones played quietly. An hour passed and though Amy was enjoying the quiet, she knew if they didn't get the kids down for a nap, they would be grumpy the rest of the day and probably keep her and Sheldon awake all night. Penny willing stood when called, but Bernadette frowned and crossed her arms over her chest._

 _"Just a little nap, then I promise you can play again," Amy assured her._

 _"No!"_

 _Sheldon picked her up, and the screaming resumed. "I not a baby! No need nap!"_

 _"Yes, you are a baby, and you do need a nap."_

 _She squirmed in his grip as he carried her to the nursery with Amy and Penny trailing behind. As Sheldon neared the crib, the screaming infant kicked and squirmed even harder._

 _"I help," Penny offered._

 _He peered down at her. "How?"_

 _Penny climbed into the rocking chair and patted her lap._

 _Amy shrugged. "It's worth a try."_

 _Gently he placed the distressed child on her sister, not letting go until her arm was firmly around her. Under her parents' close supervision, Penny tilted her body slightly forward, setting the chair in motion. After five minutes of shrieking, the youngest slipped her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes. Amy carefully gathered the little one in her arms and lay her in the crib. The trio watched the little girl for a moment then tiptoed out of the room._

 _Amy tucked Penny into her toddler bed in the next room then retreated to the living room where she once again attempted to close her eyes. The quiet didn't last long. Within minutes, t_ _he wails sounded from the nursery._

 _"Not again," Amy groaned. "Go to sleep! Mama needs a nap too. I don't know how much more of this I can take!"_

xxx

"Amy! Amy!"

Amy pulled her pillow over her head and mumbled incoherently.

"Amy, wake up."

She rolled onto her side and cracked open an eyelid. A pair of blue eyes stared back at her. She blinked and focused on her husband. "I knew it had to be a dream," she mumbled.

"It seemed more like a nightmare. You kicked the blanket off and sounded distressed."

"It was the strangest dream. We were parents to baby versions of Penny and Bernadette."

"Oh, dear Lord! Do I dare ask what happened in this dream of yours?"

She bit her lip and rested her chin on her hand. "It was weird because baby Bernadette was kicking and screaming just like real Bernadette was at the club."

He furrowed his brow. "I have a hard time believing the real Bernadette was kicking. That must be the alcohol talking."

"Maybe not so much kicking as squirming." Her memory started coming back to her. "She lost her license, and the bouncer didn't believe she's old enough to be at a 21 and over club. She kept trying to convince him she was 35 and married with two kids and complained he was treating her like a baby. She threw a fit, so he carried her out. I guess my subconscious picked up on that, and the dream was a result of real life mixed with the effects of the alcohol."

"I suppose that makes sense in some weird way, but why was Penny a baby?"

Amy shrugged. "I'm not sure, but real Penny tried to calm Bernadette down, and dream Penny did the same. She was much calmer and easygoing of the two babies and was better than us at getting her to stop screaming. You tried hard though. I think I knew it was a dream because you were so helpful."

He gave her a wounded look. "You don't think I'll help care for our children?"

"You haven't taken an interest in the Wolowitz babies, so I assumed..."

He took his hands in hers. "Amy, it will be different when the children are ours. I can't wait to teach them about string theory and dark matter, and I intend to split the duties as evenly as possible."

"I'm going to hold you to that promise." When he tried to get up, she held fast to his hands. "Where are you going?"

"To whip up a contract outlining our respective parenting duties."

"Sheldon, I'm not even pregnant yet, so we have plenty of time to develop a contract, and I want to do it together as a team. I'm not in any shape to do that tonight even if I wanted to. The alcohol hasn't quite worn off yet."

"Speaking of alcohol, perhaps it would be best to refrain from it to avoid such dreams in the future."

"I'm okay with wine, but I swear I will never drink another watermelon martini again. They're more potent than they seem."

"Good. I shudder to think of you picturing our friends as our children."

"It was surreal. I never want to picture that again either." She reached for her water glass and took a sip then lay back, resting her head on his chest.

He pulled the blanket over them and kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too."

When sleep returned once more, her dream was filled with children again, but this time their features were combinations of hers and Sheldon's. Her lips curled up at the thought.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for reading. As promised, here is the request I received:**

 **After a bit too much to drink, Amy had an odd dream where she and Sheldon are married with baby versions of Penny and Bernadette as their daughters.**


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